God said, “Quit your job.” I quit. He provided. God said, “Do a discipleship training school.” I said, “I don’t have the money.” He provided. God said, “You’re coming back (to Africa).” I cried. He provided. God said, “Pursue micro-finance.” I said, “I don’t know what that is.” He provided. God said, “Join Videre full-time (and raise 100% of your salary).” I got scared.
I have been reading through the book of Mark, and the other day I came to Mark 4:35. Up until this point in the book, Jesus has been performing all sorts of signs and miracles in the presence of His disciples and thousands of others. His disciples have seen Him do incredible things, things that the prophets had said the Messiah would do. Mark 4:35 begins the story where Jesus and His disciples get in a boat, Jesus falls asleep, a storm comes, the disciples freak right out and get upset that Jesus is sleeping while they are dying, Jesus rebukes the storm, it stops, and Jesus proceeds to rebuke His disciples by saying, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” As I imagined myself in the boat with the disciples, the thought occurred to me, “You actually are in this boat and this rebuke is for you.” The Holy Spirit pointed out my lack of faith, and I began sobbing. In the process of walking into what He has called me to do, I became afraid that He had somehow already fulfilled His provisional quota and would not provide for my current need. Why?? Why was I so crazy to believe that lie for one second after everything He has done? I had forgotten. And so, I began to remember. I recalled all of the ways He has provided for me as I have followed Him to the places He has led me. I asked the Lord to forgive me for being afraid and for not trusting that He would provide. He reminded me that I was forgiven and He held out His right hand, full of grace. He’s providing.